I consistently do this thing where I pretend I’m alright. Lol. Don’t we all? But the thing is I’ve got this pretense thing down to a science. Sometimes so much so that I almost fool myself. Almost, but not quite.
This past week has been one of my favorite and least favorite weeks ever. I got to make my debut on my college theater stage, which was a phenomenal experience, and I also realized that I really don’t take care of myself the way I should.
I mean I shower, and sleep and eat and all that jazz, so physically I’m alright, but mentally and emotionally I’m in shambles. The thing I hate about being in shambles is that it feels like I’m the only one struggling, and going through this shit, because from the outside everyone around me looks OK. They look more than OK, they look GREAT.
When I think this I have to take a step back and remind myself that, from the outside I also look GREAT! And that’s because I’m a master pretender. Does this mean that everyone around me is pretending? If so why?
Who created this stigma that showing vulnerability and pain is weak?! I wanna meet this person and punch ’em right in the bawls, because they have made life for me, and I’m sure for others very VERY difficult.
I guess I’m writing this to somehow break the cycle of hiding your feelings, and pain from others and trying to make it an open discussion, because if we can openly talk about what hurts, think how easy it would be to get the support and love that you actually need…
Just a little food for thought.
G. (Circa 6 months ago)
Seemingly Seamless 